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Advokat Ola Viken

Advokathumor

Humor er viktig i hverdagen. Her følger noen linker til gode humorsteder og noen eksempler fra nettsidene.

Fra virkeligheten i amerikanske rettsaler

1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"

3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"

5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

6. "Did he kill you?"

7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"

10. Q:"So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?" A:"Yes." Q:"And what were you doing at that time?"

11. Q:"She had three children, right?" A:"Yes." Q:"How many were boys?" A:"None." Q:"Were there any girls?"

12. Q:"You say the stairs went down to the basement?" A:"Yes." Q:"And these stairs, did they go up also?"

13. Q:"Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?" A:"I went to Europe, Sir." Q:"And you took your new wife?"

14. Q:"How was your first marriage terminated?" A:"By death." Q:"And by whose death was it terminated?"

15. Q:"Can you describe the individual?" A:"He was about medium height and had a beard." Q:"Was this a male, or a female?"

16. Q:"Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?" A:"No, this is how I dress when I go to work."

17. Q:"Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?" A:"All my autopsies are performed on dead people."

18. Q:"All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?" A:"Oral."

19. Q:"Do you recall the time that you examined the body?" A:"The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.." Q:"And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?" A:"No, you dummy, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."

Advokatvitser

What do you call 100 lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand? Not enough sand.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving.

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.

How do you save a drowning laywer? Take your foot off his head.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Six. One to change the bulb and five to write the environmental impact statement.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog.

What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.

Why don't sharks eat lawyers? Professional courtesy.

What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention? The caterer.

Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

 
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